FUNDAMENTALSOFLIFE: Thoughts

For this post, I wanted to take things a little bit more personal. This will be MY FUNDAMENTALS OF LIFE in a (hopefully) relatable way for whoever stumbles across this. —-

I guess I am just going to jump right into this. I feel like going through day by day I am wearing a mask. I pretend like everything is great and that everything is okay, when in all reality my head is a war-zone.

Here’s my best example.

 

I have a female in my life who I love very dearly and truly. I am completely and truly happy with her and that is something I cannot hide. However, there is more to it than meets the  eye.

I am the type of person who fixes everyone. No matter who you are or how broken, damaged, or f**ked up you are I am there trying to fix you even if it breaks me. I give and I give and I never asked to be fixed in return , nor does anyone ever offer. They take what they need and move on with their lives leaving me behind.

Now how does connect with said female? Well here is how. I love her to pieces and she treats me SO well. She is better than everyone in my past combined even if she doesn’t see it. HOWEVER in my head of course I already have it engrained in my head that one day she’ll leave me too. She will leave me behind in the dust and take what she needs and be gone just like the rest. Does she give me reason to believe this? No. Has she ever hurt me? no. So why do I think this way ? Well. Here is why.

What goes through my head on a daily basis is “Who could ever love me ? ” Every day I go through life and I let someone in and I fall and believe that maybe just maybe they would love me and want to stay and each and every time I am proven wrong, so I am set in this vicious mindset that I am what one would categorize as ‘unloveable’. Though she gives me no reason to believe that she doesn’t actually love me, deep in my head I have it already set that she doesn’t and its only a matter of time before she leaves and is loving someone else. Someone better than me.

I don’t think that I am good enough. I don’t think I can be loved and when you have this strong mindset you believe it more and more until it consumes you. What’s worse is that it’s always proven to be correct time and time again.

Now this isn’t just a post about me rambling on about how f**ked in the head I really am. There is meaning for this fundamental of life post.

 

LET’S STOP

Damaging thoughts is a very big and scary factor that links hand in hand with depression, which I do suffer from. These thoughts trigger most to become suicidal, or stuck in the ‘flight ‘ of the fight or flight theory. With such damaging thoughts one becomes emotional over little things that trigger said thoughts. This then can lead to as follows :

  • anxiety attacks
  • a massive crying attack
  • self harm
  • arguments
  • fatigue
  • nauseousness which in turn can cause cramps
  • suicide attempts
  • numbness
  • stupid decisions

Now, one doesn’t show these sides to them. They don’t let on that their thoughts are going down a spiraling down-path that is close to impossible to get out of once it reaches a certain point. Most ( including myself ) will lie and say everything is fine and that nothing is wrong because who really wants to admit to their thoughts and get judged or put down for them.?

Speaking on putting down brings me to my next point. If someone you know seems in any shape or form down or as if something is wrong DO NOT constantly bombard them with are you ok ? It will lead to agitation and the person shutting you completely out in annoyance.

Here are some helpful tips that I find in my personal opinion helpful :

  • ask once if everything is ok
  •  let the person know you are there to listen if they need to talk but do not push the matter
  • try bringing up an enlightening subject that you know will help them feel better
  • if the person doesnt want to talk respect that and let them have their alone time
  • never let a person go without letting them know that they are not alone and you are right there for them because that one small reminder could save a life.

 

*IF you know anyone who may need any kind of help or advice PLEASE PLEASE do not hesitate to pick up a phone and call one of the following hotlines listed below:

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